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This paper examines the approaches heterosexual men and women in South Africa use to engage their partners in discussions of HIV and risk factors in their relationships. These strategies entail balancing the risks of infection while managing the challenges of maintaining a relationship. In a context in which there is a great deal of insecurity in relationships it is especially challenging to discuss HIV risks with partners.

Our findings reveal that concerns about children or the desire to have children provided a legitimate basis for discussing HIV risk with partners. The focus of these discussions is on the future for their children. Research in South Africa should attend to men’s and women’s desires to have and to raise children. HIV prevention and treatment programs can capitalise on concerns regarding children, and the future of the family, to engage men and women in discussing mutually acceptable strategies for preventing infection and ensuring safe conception.

High rates of HIV infection in South Africa, together with the rollout of antiretroviral treatment, mean that increasingly men and women and their families are grappling with long term infection, illness, and the fear of HIV transmission. International research on couples and families has highlighted the struggle to balance disease risks and illness while maintaining healthy relationships van Campenhoudt ; Cusick and Rhodes Here we are concerned with investigating how individuals attempt to discuss HIV risk and testing with their partners.

We have drawn from qualitative interviews with men and women between the ages of 18 and 32 who lived in control and intervention communities in two South African settings that participated in a randomised, controlled HIV prevention trial. Our coding identified four main approaches used by men and women to engage partners in these discussions.

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Instead, relationship characteristics and gender differences had a greater influence on relationship survival after diagnosis. Prevention policies encourage partner disclosure in order to increase testing. However, research has pointed to gender differences for migrants from sub-Saharan Africa, with women possibly being more reluctant to disclose due to fears of rejection, violence and discrimination.

However, some studies indicate that women often find emotional and material support as opposed to rejection upon disclosure. In certain instances disclosure was not significantly linked to relationship break-up; instead the nature of the relationship may be more relevant.

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Looking to the future: South African men and women negotiating HIV risk and relationship intimacy

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Our offices are for administrative purposes only, no visitors will be accepted without an appointment. South African HIV-positive dating website goes ‘viral’.

But for South African native Mary, simple dating carried potentially disastrous consequences. Mary was HIV-positive and was plagued with issues of revealing her HIV infection to a prospective partner — planning for a long-term relationship when she does not know what the next day holds, and keeping a partner safe from her virus. Mary immediately signed up, and after a few months, had gotten to know two men who were in the “same situation” as her, one from the United Kingdom and the other from South Africa.

Mary’s story is just one of many that Ben Sassman, founder of The Positive Connection, hears everyday. Sassman is one of the few who dares to concern himself with the “living” part of living with HIV, and saw the need for an online dating opportunity for HIV-positive patients. In an effort to help an old friend who was in the same predicament as Mary, Sassman self-funded his own online dating service. Since its start in , Sassman’s friend, Mary and thousands of other HIV-infected people were able to find love through his website.

But instead of focusing on the physical effects of his illness, Sassman’s friend began to describe the difficulties of dating women as an HIV patient. He often felt morally obligated to immediately inform each potential date that he was infected with HIV — almost guaranteeing a rejection for a second date.

HIV Singles Meet: Launching Of New Online Dating Platform For HIV Singles To Find Spouses